Not here
by Sillie
Summary: Taichi and Yamato are dating, but they have to date in secret... But Taichi can't take it anymore...
1. Chapter 1

Hi!! Here we are again with a new story… And it's a long one this time…

Taichi: I didn't know you had it in you…

Sillie: * glares * Anyway…. It's based on a song from the Dutch group Kane…

Yama: Kane? Never heard of it…

Sillie: I said, a _Dutch _group…

Yama: Ah, that explains it…

Sillie: * sighs* The song is called 'Not here'… It's really beautiful…

Yama: More beautiful than my songs?

Taichi: Nobody can sing as beautiful as you Yama… * hugs *

Yama: ^_____^

Sillie: So cute!! * squeals *

Yama and Taichi: -___-''

Sillie: Hehe… anyway, let's start with the story… * pokes Taichi * Make yourself useful!!

Taichi: Euh…Oh! The **disclaimer !!** Sillie doesn't own Digimon, or the song 'Not here'…

Not here 

The sun was shining brightly. Two boys where at the park, enjoying the heat. One of the boys was sitting with his back against a tree. He had long blond hair, and beautiful blue eyes. He was staring at the other boy, who had his head resting on his lap.

The blond was combing his fingers trough the wild brown locks of the other boy, who had his eyes closed. It looked like he was asleep.

"He Yamato! How are you doing?" A girl with red hair came walking towards the two boys. "I'm fine, thank you Sora. And how are you doing?" 

"Fine! Fine…" She sat down next to Matt, and they talked about little nothings. 

In the mean time, Tai wasn't asleep at all. He was quietly listening to the ongoing conversation. When Matt had to laugh, he opened one chocolate coloured eye. He loved Matt's smile… It was the smile he had fallen in love with…

He and Matt where dating for 2 months now, and it where the most happy months of his live. He loved Matt so much, it hurt sometimes. He didn't want to think about what he would do if he'd ever lose him. Tai sighed, and closed his eye again. He loved the feeling of Matt's hands combing trough his hair. 

After some time, Sora left. It was turning late, and Tai and Matt had to go home too. Matt softly nudged Tai's shoulder. "Taichi…time to go home." Tai opened one eye, and looked at Matt. "Ah… do we have to? I don't want to go home…"

Matt smiled at him. "Sorry. We really have to go. We have school tomorrow and you don't want to fall asleep at you desk, do you?" Tai scowled. "That's the only things those desks are good for… sleeping…"

Matt laughed. "Well… You don't want you mom angry, do you? When you're grounded, we can't be together after school." Tai's eyes widened, and he jumped up. "You're right! Let's go!" Matt grinned, and also stood.

"I'm always right, just face it." Tai laughed at that, but stopped when he heard a squeal. When they looked around they saw a group of girls who where staring at them, and whispering.

"Shit.." Matt whispered. Tai turned to Matt. "Are those some fan girls of you?" "Yeah… I'm afraid they are…" 

Suddenly, the girls stopped whispering and started to walk in their direction. "Oh-oh… Taichi?"

"Yeah, what is it Yama?" Matt turned, and grabbed Tai's hand. "Run!" And before Tai could fully understand what was going on, he was dragged along by Matt in a mad dash trough the park.

Matt's band, the Teenage Wolves, had become quite famous, and Matt had a lot of fan girls. Tai wasn't surprised. Matt looked like an angel to him, with his golden hair, and his expressive blue eyes.

After a while, they finally lost the girls, and they slowed down a bit. "You alright Taichi?" Matt asked. "Yeah… I'm fine. You?"

"I'm fine… I hate it when things like this happen." Tai looked at him sympathetically, and squeezed Matt's hand, which he was still holding. Matt pulled his hand away.

"Sorry Tai…" Matt said, when he saw the hurt in Tai's eyes. "No, it's alright," Tai said, "I know… you can't help it…"

Tai and Matt had confessed their love for each other after one of Matt's concerts. The band manager had walked in, just as they where making out. He had been shocked at first, and had sent Tai away. 

When Matt called, later on, he was relieved to hear that they could still date. But the manager had said that Matt had a reputation to keep up, and he had a lot of fan girls, so nobody could know of their relationship.

They had to date in secret, and Tai didn't like it at all. He wanted to tell the world that Matt was his now, and he hated that he couldn't show affection to Matt whenever he wanted to. 

He sighed. "I better go home quickly, before my mom gets angry…"

"Tai…"

"See you tomorrow…" and he quickly walked away. Matt stared after him, a sad look on his face.

                                                                        ~*~

"I'm home!" Tai yelled, when he entered the house/ He got no reply. He entered the living room, and saw his sister, Kari, on the couch. She was reading a book. "He Kar… where's mom?"

Kari looked up from her book, and smiled at him. "Mom went away to help the neighbour with something. She can be home any minute now." Tai nodded. "Ah, okay." He sat down next to his sister and sighed.

"So, how was your day with Yamato?" Kari asked. She and T.K where the only ones who knew of their relationship, and Tai was glad he could tell at least someone about his feelings for Matt. "It was fun. It's always fun to be with Yama."

"But…?" Kari asked. Tai looked at her. He shouldn't be surprised. She always sensed when something was troubling him.

"But…" he repeated her, "..I hate the fact that I can't show affection to him in public. I love him with all my heart, and it frustrates me that I can't show it to the world." Kari nodded.

"What brings this up again? Did something happen?" Tai sighed. "Oh, it was nothing… really stupid now that I think of it…"

"Go on…" Kari pressed. 

"Well… Yama and I where at the park, when some of his fan girls spotted him. They came walking towards us, and before I knew it, Yama had grabbed my hand, and was dragging me out of the park in some wild dash. After a while we lost those girls, and we stopped running. He said he hated it when that sort of things happened. I was still holding his hand, and I squeezed it. He pulled his hand away…"

Tai swallowed, and looked at his sister. "It hurt you know?" Kari nodded. "Yeah…it must be really hard…" She patted him on the shoulder. At that moment, Ms. Yagami entered the house.

"Hikari! I'm home!" She entered the living room. "Oh, Taichi, you're back. How was your day?" Tai plastered a fake smile on his face, and replied: "Yeah, it was fun!"

Ms. Yagami smiled. "Good. Well, I'll start with dinner."

                                                                        ~*~   

After dinner, Tai lay on his bad in his room. Once, Kari and he had shared a room, but when he'd turned 18, he had gotten his own room. 

He was thinking about the little conflict, if you could even call it that. Why was it bothering him so much? He and Matt where dating for two months now, and it never had been a problem before… hadn't it?

He had never liked it, but he could handle it. But lately, it seemed to get harder. And it became more difficult with every passing day…

He was jolted out of his thoughts, when he heard his cell phone ringing. When he pulled it out of his pocket, he saw it was Matt. "Moshi moshi, Taichi speaking."

"Funny" Matt said. "Taichi, you know it's me." It was silent for a few seconds, then Matt continued. "Look, I'm sorry Taichi. I didn't mean to hurt you… You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know.." Tai replied. "but I don't like it at all Yama. I want to hold you, kiss you, hug you whenever I want to!"

"Yeah, I know baby, but I can't help it…" Again, it was silent. Then Matt whispered, "I love you Taichi…"

"Love you too Yama." Tai replied. "Well… got to go. See you tomorrow at school!"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." Tai said, and then Matt had hung up. Tai stared at the cell phone. He couldn't stay mad at Matt. He really couldn't help it. 

He sighed, put the cell phone away, and changed into his nightclothes. (which where boxers and a sleeveless shirt.) He crawled in bed and fell into a deep sleep.

                                                                        ~*~

Next morning, he was awoken by Kari, who pounced on him. "Urg! Hikari!!" She giggled. "Well, you didn't woke up when I called you, so…"

"So it's alright to just jump on me? I will get you for that!" Kari screamed, and ran away, Tai chasing her. "Kids! Come on, stop with that! Get dressed, you have to go to school pretty soon!" Ms. Yagami shouted.

Tai glared at Kari, who was smiling innocently back at him. He went back to his room, and got dressed. He quickly brushed his hair, but it was wild as ever, and wouldn't be tamed. When he entered the kitchen, his mother turned to him. "I'm leaving now. Have a nice day at school!"

"Thanks mom." When Ms. Yagami walked out the door, Matt just arrived. "He Yamato, how are you?" 

"I'm fine Ms. Yagami, thanks." She smiled. "Taichi's in the kitchen. Have a nice day!" Matt smiled, and went inside. He peeked inside the kitchen, and saw Tai at the kitchen table with his back turned to him.

An evil grin came on Matt's face, and he silently walked up to Tai. He wrapped his arms around Tai's neck, and whispered in his ear. "Good morning beautiful" Tai jumped and squeaked in surprise. Then he turned, and glared at Matt, but the glare soon turned into a pout. "Why can't I stay mad at you?" Tai whined.

Matt laughed and said. "Because you love me so much?" Tai smiled back, and they kissed. Mat had unbelievable soft and kissable lips. Tai wouldn't mind to do this every morning.

"Jeez! Get a room you two!" It was Kari. They both blushed, and Kari laughed. "He Yamato. Coming to collect my brother?" Matt nodded. "Are you sure?" Kari asked with a grin. Matt grinned back. "Well… Yeah, I'm sure."

At that moment, Tai stood, and went to put on his shoes. Matt followed him to the hall. When Tai had put on his coat, he turned to Matt. "Ready to go?" he asked. "Almost…" Matt replied.

He walked up to Tai, grabbed his head, and plunged their mouths together. He kissed Tai deeply, and when he pulled away some minutes later, they were slightly out of breath. "Now I'm ready." He panted. Tai grinned at him, and opened the door.

                                                                        ~*~

Lessons went by pretty quick. Matt and Tai had some classes together, but not all. At lunch break, Tai was there before Matt. Tai was anxiously looking around, and when he spotted Matt, a huge grin came to his face. 

"He Yama-ch… eh, Yamato, over here!" He waved with his hand, and Matt walked over. Tai had the urge to stand up and kiss Matt, but he suppressed it. Matt sat down next to Tai, and smiled at him.

"He Taichi. Had a nice math class?" Tai scowled at him. "It was horrible. I almost fell asleep.. and worse, you weren't there…" Matt grinned. At that moment, the rest of the digidestened showed up.

They always ate lunch together. They where talking happily, when a group of giggling girls sat at the table next to them. They would glance at Matt, giggle even louder, and whisper to each other. It irritated Tai to no end.

He was glaring at the girls for all he was worth. How he would love to walk up to those girls, and tell them Matt was his... He was yanked out of his thoughts when someone tapped him on his shoulder.

"What!" he snapped. "Sorry Taichi, but you spaced out there for a second..." Sora said, "I was trying to get your attention, but you didn't respond."

Tai mentally smacked himself. First he was spacing out, and then he was snapping at Sora. "Sorry... I didn't mean to snap at you. I guess you startled me... What did you want my attention for?"

"Well... I was wondering why you where glaring at those girls. They didn't do anything to you, did they?" Tai blinked, and stared at her with big eyes. "Euh..."

What did they do? He couldn't say 'They where flirting with my boyfriend'... He quickly glanced at Matt, who was talking to his brother. Their eyes met for a second, then Matt looked at his brother again. But Tai had seen the warning in Matt's eyes, and it made him uneasy. He had to control himself better, or people could become suspicious... 

He looked back at Sora, who was still waiting for an answer. "Euh.." he stammered again, "their... euh... their giggling was bothering me..."

"Yeah right..." Sora said. She looked Tai straight in the eye. Tai felt his face heating up. Why did he have to blush! If Sora was suspecting that he was lying, then she was sure now... At that moment, the bell rang, which meant lunch break was over. 

'Saved by the bell...' Tai quickly stoop up, grabbed his bag, and walked to his next lesson. He sat down at the back of the class. A few minutes later, Matt walked in, and sat down next to Tai.

"So... what was that all about? You where gone awfully quick..." Tai looked at his table, and mumbled, "Sora caught me glaring at those fan girls of yours... I think she didn't believe my explanation..."

Matt sighed. "Taichi... I know it's hard, but please..."

"I know." Tai cut him off. "I know..." Tai also sighed, and stared out of the window. He felt how a hand squeezed his arm, and he turned back to Matt, who was smiling softly at him. Tai smiled back. At that moment, the rest of the class entered the classroom. The teacher also entered, and the lesson started.  

                                                                        ~*~

Later that day, when school had finished, Matt and Tai where at the park. They where sitting under the exact same tree as the day before, in the same position. Tai had his head resting on Matt's lap, and Matt was combing his fingers through Tai's hair.

They where sitting there in a comfortable silence, which was unique, considering the fact Tai was talking al the time. It was Matt who broke the silence. "Taichi..."

Once chocolate colored eye opened and looked at him. "...I have to go..." Now both eyes opened, and looked at him pleadingly. "Ah... do you really have to?" he whined. Matt sighed. "Yeah, I have to. I've got band practice..."

"But you can play beautifully... You don't have to practice that much, do you?" Tai asked hopefully. "Tai... We've got a gig this weekend! Everything has to go right then!"

"But Yama... I don't want you to go..." Tai said. He looked at Matt, and pulled his 'lost puppy dog' expression, which he knew Matt couldn't resist. "You love me more than your music, right?"

Matt felt his resolve crumble at those big, beautiful brown eyes who where staring at him. So he stood rather abruptly, which caused Tai to bump his head at the ground. He sat up, and rubbed his head. "Ouch..."

"Sorry about that..." Matt said, "...but I really have to go... I can't miss this one..." Matt quickly looked around. When he was sure no one was there, he gave Tai a quick peck on the cheek. 

"And you know who I love more... See you tomorrow!" Tai stared after him, and when he was out of sight, Tai laid down again. He stared up at the leafs, who where softly waving in the wind. He sighed. 'Do I really know who you love more Yama?'

                                                                                    ~*~

The next day, Tai wasn't acting like his happy go lucky self. Normally, he was talking and smiling all the time. Now, he was silent, and in his own little world, deep in thoughts. When someone snapped him out of it, he would give them a fake smile.

At lunch, he was broodingly staring out of the window. The others looked at him in worry, then they looked at Matt. But he was just as worried, if not more. He had no idea what was wrong with Tai, but he was determent to find out.

Matt got his change at the end of the day, when he spotted Tai at his locker. He quickly walked up to him. "He Taichi! What's up?" Tai turned to him and smiled. It didn't reach his eyes... "He Yamato..."

Matt quirked an eyebrow at him. "What's with the fake smile Taichi?" Tai looked at him with big eyes. "Fake smile? What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Matt retorted "You're not acting like yourself today! You're way to silent, and every time you smile, it doesn't reach your eyes. What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong..."Tai answered. Matt sighed in frustration. Tai could be so stubborn sometimes. He wanted to solve his problems on his own. "Don't talk bullshit Tai!" Matt growled, "I know something's wrong! I'm your best friend, and I want to help you!"

At the words 'best friend' Tai bowed his head, so Matt couldn't see the hurt in his eyes. "So you want to know what's wrong?" Tai's voice sounded strangely soft.

"Yes, I want to know!" Matt said. 

"I can't take it anymore Yama..." Tai whispered. "What?" Tai lifted his head, and looked at Matt. Matt flinched at the amount of pain he saw in Tai's eyes. "I can't take it anymore!" He repeated. Matt looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"This whole facade! I love you Yama... with all my heart..." Matt looked around nervously. At any moment, someone could walk by, and hear what Tai was saying... "...and I want to show all those stupid fan girls of yours that they don't stand a change... that you're mine..."

"Taichi... can we talk somewhere else?" Matt asked, looking around nervously, but Tai rambled on, like he didn't hear Matt speak. "I just want to hug you, kiss you and touch you whenever I want! You won't even let me hug you! I did that already before we started dating....."

"Tai... someone might hear you! Can we please go somewhere else?" Matt tried again, but it was no use. "I know you love your music, and that it's important for you... but you're important to me! I love you so much Yama..."

"Taichi! Please!" Matt pleaded. Suddenly, he saw someone heading their way, and he started to panic. "... I love you so much, it hurts sometimes... but it hurts me even more when I can't touch you Yama... I don't know about you, but I can't do it any longer... I love..."

He was cut of in mid- sentence. His head snapped to the right, and on his left cheek appeared a red handprint. After a few moments of stunned silence, realisation sank in, and Matt's eyes widened. 'Oh my god... I slapped Taichi...'

Tai had kept his head turned to the right, but now he turned it back slowly. His hand travelled to his face to touch his cheek. Tears where in his eyes, and slidded down his face. "At least I know who you love more now..." he spoke with a broken voice.

Then he turned, and ran away. Matt was to chocked to follow, and could only stare after him. When Tai was out of sight, he leaned against the lockers, and slidded down to sit on the floor. He felt how the tears started to build in his eyes, and he grabbed his hair in frustration.

'What have I done?'

                                                                        ~~~*~~~ 

    t.b.c.

Okay... this fic is taking longer that I expected... The original plan was to post it as one... but it's taking so long, and I want to know what you guy's think of it... I think this is about half of the fic... You'll have to wait for the second part of the fic for the song from Kane...

Oh, I want to dedicate this fic to CCPheonix, for her wonderful stories ( I loved reflection) and Goth Serphiona, who supported me… ^__^

Taichi: What did you do to me and Yama-chan??

Sillie: You'll have to wait for the second part to find out…

Yama: That's ebil… when will it be finished?

Sillie: I don't know…it's taking longer that I thought…ebil writers block is lurking in the dark…

Taichi: You better finish it soon….

Yama: Yeah!!

Sillie: I will try…really, I will try, but I can't promise…

Taichi and Yama: -__-''  


	2. Chapter 2

Sillie: Woohoo!!

Taichi: Wauw, you're finally going to continue?

Sillie: Yes!! After drawing a delicious Yamachi picture on Oekaki Central, I'm ready to continue!! * bounces *

Yama: Euh… Are you feeling alright?

Sillie: More than alright!! * grins *

Taichi + Yama: O.o  right….

Sillie: Okay, first I want to thank everyone who reviewed!! It made me really happy ^__^

Lots of people begging me to continue… hehe…

Yama: Well, let's start then…I wanna know what you did to Taichi and me…

Taichi: Yeah!

Sillie: Alright, alright… * pokes Taichi * You know what to do, right?

Taichi: Yeah… The **disclaimer**… Sillie doesn't own the characters of  Digimon, and she doesn't own the song Not here from Kane…

Sillie: Thank you Taichi! * glomps *

Taichi: You're wel… oof!! 

Not here (part two)

When Kari entered the house that afternoon, she immediately noticed something was wrong. First of all, Tai's shoes weren't there, while his jacket and bag where lying on the floor. So he had to be home.

Secondly, the atmosphere just didn't feel right. Kari felt a shiver creep down her spine. She quickly took off her shoes and jacket and walked into the living room. To her surprise, Tai wasn't there. 

She wandered into the kitchen, but he wasn't there either. She got a bit worried, and went to check Tai's room. When she got to the door, she heard a strange noise. She listened for a moment, then her eyes widened. It where muffled sobs!

She quickly entered the room. Tai was laying in his bed, his face buried in his pillow, sobs racking his body. Kari looked at her brother in shock. She had never seen him like this before…

When she regained her senses, she quickly ran up to him. "Oh my god Tai! What happened? Are you hurt? Did someone else get hurt? Did someone die?!" But Tai didn't respond, and kept on crying.

"Taichi…" She said softly, and she nudged his shoulder. "Has it something to do with Yamato? Did he hurt you?" When Kari mentioned Matt's name, Tai let out a small whimper. Kari felt some anger flaring up. If Matt was responsible for this…

Her thoughts where interrupted when she heard Tai whisper her name. She turned to him, and took him in her arms. "Sssh… I'm here Taichi… It's gonna be alright…" She whispered in his ear, while gently rocking him.

He was totally drenching her shirt, but she didn't care. After a while, the sobs subsided, and he calmed down a bit, but he was totally exhausted. So Kari took off his shoes, pulled the blankets over him, and tucked him in. "Get some rest…" She whispered in his ear. Then she silently left his room.

When she had closed the door, the anger flared up again, and she stomped to the phone. It took some time before someone picked up the phone.

"Ishida residence, Yamato speaking." Matt's voice sounded strangely rough. Kari was a bit taken aback by this words, but when she remembered what kind of state here brother was in, the anger came back. 

"What the hell happened?!" She barked. There was a stunned silence. "Hikari, is that you?" Matt finally asked. "Yes, it's me. What the hell did you do to Taichi?" She replied.

"What do you mean?" Matt asked slowly. Kari made a strange noise at the back of her throat.

"I came home this afternoon, only to find Taichi trying to drown his pillow! He was crying his hart out! I have never seen him cry like this… I couldn't get anything out of him, only that it has something to do with you… So spill!"

It stayed silent on the other end of the line. "Yamato?" Kari asked after a while, "Are you still there?"

"Euh… yeah…" Matt finally replied. His voice sounded really strange now… "Yama…what's the matter? Are you alright?" Kari asked, her anger forgotten. Again Matt didn't reply. But Kari did hear a sound that sounded awfully much like a chocked back sob. "Are you crying?" Kari asked worriedly. Something was terribly wrong…

Suddenly, realisation sunk in. What could have caused Taichi so much pain, and what could cause even Matt to cry… "Have…" she asked cautiously, "have you two… broken up?" She heard another sob, then Matt said brokenly, "I've ruined everything…"

"Yamato.." Kari pressed, " Please… tell me what happened." And Matt told her everything. When he was finished, Kari sighed. "Oh Yama…" She fell silent for a while, then she said:

"Did you know Taichi is really good at hiding his feelings? I'm one of the few people who he can't hide them from… I thought he couldn't hide them from you too… but I think he managed to hide a few…"

"Like what?" Matt asked. "He's really insecure…" She replied.

"Taichi? Insecure?" Matt replied surprised. "Yes… he's acting all goofy and stuff, but it's just an act to hide how insecure he really is. He doesn't want other people to worry about him, so he hides it. Take your relationship for example…" Kari explained.

"He really loves you with all his heart Yama... I don't think you realise just how much he loves you… But the fact that you've got to keep your relationship a secret, that he can't show affection like he's used to , makes him even more insecure. He thinks that he's not good enough for you Yama…"

At that, Matt made a protesting sound, but Kari silenced him. "Let me finish. The fact that you only show affection to him when no one is around, strengthens that thought. He thinks your music is more important to you than he is…"

"So that's why he asked me who I love more…" Matt whispered. "Uhuh.. and you didn't gave him a direct answer.."

"How do you know?" Matt asked surprised. "Like I told you…. Taichi can't hide anything from me.." Matt nodded, although he knew Kari couldn't see that. "And today, when he trusted you to understand him, when he told you how he was feeling…"  

"…I slapped him…"Matt finished Kari's sentence.  "Precisely.. so now he's convinced you're music means more to you than he does, and he can't live with that… He loves you very much, and it's eating him up inside that he can't show it… It will destroy him eventually…"

It was silent for a while. It was Matt who broke it. "So… what now?" Kari sighed. "Well… You'll have to make up your mind… If you want Taichi to be your boyfriend, you'll have to date in the open, no secrets, no hiding… I think your fans won't mind.. but it's up to you, it's your decision…"

Matt sighed also. "Yeah, I know… Thanks Hikari… Look after Taichi for me, will you?" Kari smiled. "You know I will… Good luck Yamato.. I hope I'll see you soon."

When Matt had hung up the phone, he went to his room and sat on his favourite spot: the windowsill. From there he could look out over Obaida. He thought about the conversation he had with Kari. She was right. Normally, he could read Taichi like an open book, at least, he thought so. But since they where dating, it became harder and harder. He never would have guessed Tai was so insecure. He still had a hard time believing it, but it did explain a few things. 

Matt sighed. Why hadn't he noticed it before? Had he concentrated to much on hiding the relationship, in stead of on the relationship itself? What had Taichi said? 'You won't even let me hug you! I already did that before we started dating…'

That was true. Taichi always was the hugging kind of person.. Matt sighed again. He was so stupid! Tomorrow, he would go to Taichi and apologise! 

And with that decision made, he slipped out of his clothes, and into nightclothes, and went to bed.           

                                                                                  ~*~

Next day, Matt awoke to the sound of the neighbours barking dog. 'That animal is so annoying…' Matt thought grumpy. He glanced at his alarm clock. Then his eyes widened, and he cursed. He had to be at school in 10 minutes!! 

He jumped out of bed and into his clothes. He brushed his hair, he had no time to use gel like he normally did. He looked in the mirror and groaned. It had to do… He ran to the kitchen and snatched something to eat. 

Then he grabbed his bag and jacket, and bolted out of the door. He had no time now to pick up Taichi on the way. He probably left already… Matt groaned again. This day was starting really good…

                                                                                  ~*~

When he arrived at school, he couldn't find Taichi anywhere. He wasn't at his locker, and that's where he usually was. Matt sighed. He had to wait till after their first lesson. They had the same lesson, so he could get a hold of the beautiful brunette after class.

But when he arrived at his first class of the day, Taichi wasn't there. And he wasn't in the second and third lesson either. Matt began to get really worried now… Taichi almost never skipped classes…

At lunch break, he got hold of Kari, before she could enter the cafeteria. "Hikari… where's Taichi?" Kari looked at him with sad eyes. "He won't come out of bed… we tried everything, but he won't move… He doesn't respond to anything. Oh Yamato, I'm so worried!"

Matt felt a pang of guild settle in his stomach. It was his fault Taichi was acting this way, and it was his fault Kari's so worried… "Euh.. Kari? Can I come home with you this afternoon? I wanna apologise to Taichi.. Maybe it helps…"

Kari smiled a little. "So… you made up your mind then?" Matt smiled too. "Yup.. I love Taichi with all my heart… I won't let him go.." Kari had a big smile on her face now. "Good."

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Matt couldn't concentrate. His thoughts kept wondering off to Taichi. He hadn't seen him for 1 day, and he was already missing him. It felt like he lost a piece of himself. Matt realised with a start that Taichi made him complete…

                                                                                  ~*~

That afternoon, Kari and Matt walked to the Yagami's apartment in silence. Both their thoughts where on the bushy haired brunette. When they entered the apartment, they heard Mrs. Yagami shouting.

"Taichi! Taichi, open that door right now! Please? Taichi!!" Kari quickly walked up to her mother. "Mom? What's wrong?" Mrs. Yagami turned to them, a worried look on her face. 

"He's locked himself in! I wanted to check on him, but the door is locked! What if…" Mrs. Yagami swallowed, "…what if something happened to him?"

Kari walked to Taichi's door, and banged on it. "Taichi! It's Hikari! Please open the door! Yamato is here to see you!" They heard a muffled sob from the other side, and a soft 'go away'. 

"No Taichi, I'm not going away!" Matt said, "I came here to apologise. I'm sorry, I was stupid…" It stayed silent on the other side. "Taichi.. didn't you hear what Yamato said?" Kari said. "He's sorry… Would you please come out?"

Tai didn't reply. They tried to get Tai out for some while longer, but it was no use. Matt sighed. "I think I'll go home…" Kari sighed too. "I'm sorry Yama. I've never seen Taichi act this way…"

Matt shrugged. "You can't help it…" Kari let Matt out, and he slowly walked home. He felt the guild nagging at him. He had hurt Tai really bad… When he got home, he grabbed his mobile phone, and tried Taichi's mobile, but all he got was the voicemail. 

Matt was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of loneliness. He hadn't felt like this for a long time… not since he met Tai… His dad was gone most of the time, and Matt had always felt lonely. Since his parents got divorced he had shut everyone out, afraid of getting hurt again.

But the loneliness had started to nag at him, and he was just about to break, when Taichi had walked into his life, and into his heart. Tai had broke down the wall that Matt had build around his heart, and he had opened up. They had become best friends, and inseparable. 

Matt really didn't know if he would still be here if Taichi hadn't come in his life. Oh god, he was so stupid! They had never been apart this long… Taichi probably never wanted to see or speak to him again… Matt threw himself on his bed, and started sobbing. He had never felt this alone… It felt like a part of him was ripped out of him. He didn't know if he could handle it, if Taichi never wanted to see or talk to him again.

After a while the sobbing subsided, and he only sniffled. Then he started to hum a melody that was haunting him ever since the argument, but now there where also words… Matt quickly grabbed a pen and some paper, and started to write. 

He worked till deep in the night, adjusting words and the melody, trying it out on his guitar. When he was finished, he had a beautiful song, and an idea to hopefully win his Taichi back…

                                                                                  ~*~

Matt felt awful. School was like hell without Taichi around… He missed him terrible, and he kept missing him a bit more with each passing minute. People kept staring at him, because he was spacing out every now and then, and just for the fact that he wasn't with Taichi for a second day in a row. 

When school was finally over, Matt had band practice. He went home, grabbed his guitar and the new song he wrote, and headed for he building where they held their practises. The rest of the band was already there. They greeted him, and Matt settled himself on one of the chairs that was standing in the room.

He pulled out his guitar, and started strumming a bit. After a few minutes, he looked up, and saw that the other band members where staring at him. "What?!" He snapped. 

"Well…" the drummer, who's called Aiko, started, "I was just surprised by the melody you where playing… It sounded so…depressed…" Matt stared at Aiko, surprised. Then he shrugged, and didn't react on the comment.

"Now that I've got all your attention.." Matt said, "I've written a new song yesterday, and I want you to tell me what you think. If it's good, I want to play it on the gig…." The others nodded, and settled down to listen. Matt closed his eyes, and started to play. He knew the words and the melody by heart. 

While playing, mental images of Tai flashed through his head, and he felt how tears where struggling to escape his closed eyelids, and eventually one tear won and slid down over his cheek. At the last two lines of the song, his voice started to shake a bit.

When the song was over, Matt opened his eyes, and another tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. He looked at the other band members. They where staring back at him, mouths open. Matt had to smile a little at that. Usually, that was a good sign.

After a few minutes, one of the band members was able to speak. "That… that was beautiful!" The others nodded, and Matt's smile grew. Then, Aiko, who knew him best, asked the question he'd been dreading.

"'Mato… I've never seen you so emotional while singing a song… this is personal, right? You wrote this for someone…" Matt's smile vanished from his face, and he stared at the rest with pain filled eyes. 

"Guys… I… I've got a confession to make…" he said in a soft voice. The rest of the band members nodded, encouraging him to go on. "I-I'm…" Matt started, then swallowed. This was so hard! But they had a right to know. He tried again. "I'm gay…" 

It came out as a whisper. He looked down at the ground, afraid of the reaction of the others. "You know… I was suspecting something like that…" Aiko said. Matt's head jerked up to look at him, surprised. "You where?"

"Yeah… you haven't had a girlfriend in ages, and you never seem to like the attention you get from all the girls…" Matt nodded, and looked at his band. The only emotions he saw on their faces was understanding, and it relieved him greatly. 

He was jerked out of his thoughts when Aiko spoke again. He was sitting next to him, a hand on Matt's shoulder. "Are you in a relationship right now?" 

"Yes, I am… was…" Matt responded, and turned his head away. "Wait… was? What happened?" Matt took a shuddered breath, and started to tell them everything, from the moment they got together, till the break up. When he was finished, he was sobbing uncontrollably into the shoulder of Aiko, who tried to comfort him the best he could. 

"I-I just m-m-miss him s-so much…" Matt concluded. "..we h-haven't s-spoken in t-t-two days…" Aiko hugged him tighter, wondering who the boy was who had Matt this shaken up. Matt never let anyone in that easy, and he was surprised that the boy had such an impact on Matt in just 2 months…

Then a thought stuck him, which caused his breath to catch in his throat. "You haven't spoken to him in two days you said?" he asked. Matt nodded. It was silent for a few minutes, then Aiko said: "It's Taichi, isn't it? He hasn't been in school for two days…"

At the mention of Tai's name Matt jerked upright abruptly, his eyes wide. Then his eyes filled with tears, and he nodded. "Yeah… It's Taichi…" He whispered. The other members of the band where staring at Matt, understanding fully slipping in now. 

Now they understood why Matt was so shaken up. He was always talking about Tai, and when he did, his eyes softened, and a soft smile was on his lips. They where always together, and when one of the two was out of town, they would call each other every day. 

Taichi had been the one who had broken the wall Matt had build around him, and he had made Matt the somewhat outgoing person he was now. Aiko liked Taichi. With his wild hair, kind brown eyes and infectious smile, he was a lot of fun to be around and he understood fully why Matt liked him so much.

They where complete opposites, but they balanced each other out. Aiko snapped back to attention when Matt started to speak. "Taichi's m-my everything… I-I love him s-so much, it scares me s-sometimes… It feels l-like a p-part of me is ripped out now… I-I'd do everything to g-get him back, b-but I hurt him s-so bad… I bet he n-never wants to see me a-again!" Matt sobbed.

"That's bullshit!" Matt looked up, surprised. "Of course he wants to see you again! He's just hurting right now, and you'll have to prove to him that you really love him… That's why you wrote the song, right? You said you wanted to sing it on the upcoming gig…"

Matt nodded. "Yeah… I can't hide my love for him any longer. It's destroying me, and it's definitely destroying him… I love him with all my heart, and I'll never let him go.. even if that means giving up my music…"

The others gasped at that. "Are you quitting the band?" one of them asked. "No… but I don't know how the fans will react on the news of me being gay… It could be that they'll hate me for that, and stop listening to our music… If that happens, then I'm quitting the band, because I don't want to spoil things for you guys…"

It fell silent after that. Then Aiko spoke. "I think that's really brave of you… Well, just to let you know, I'm behind you 100%!"The others nodded, to indicate they supported Matt too. Aiko looked at the others, and saw in their eyes what he was feeling himself.

He nodded, and turned to Matt. "He 'Mato.. we don't want you to quit the band… even if it means that we'll lose a few fans… The band wouldn't be the same without you…" Matt looked at Aiko, and saw the sincerity in his eyes. He looked at the others, and saw the same. He felt how the tears started again, and he hugged all of them. "Thanks…" He whispered. 

"Well, let's start practising that song of yours. We've got a boyfriend to win back!" Aiko exclaimed. Matt laughed, and they started to practise.

                                                                                  ~*~

It was Friday, the day of the gig. Kari was standing in front of Tai's door, ready to go. Now she had to get Tai out of his room, and into the car. This was gonna be very hard, Tai only left his room to eat and shower the past few days. But she promised Matt she would. 

Suddenly, an idea hit her. Tai had promised Matt he would go to his gig, and Tai never broke his promises. She grinned, then knocked on Tai's door. "Taichi… come on, open that door! We have to go, or we'll be to late at the concert!"

"I'm not going!" Came the muffled reply. "But you promised Yamato you would!" Kari replied, grinning. It stayed silent on the other side, then suddenly she heard Tai unlock the door, and she quickly swiped the grin off her face.

He opened the door, and when she saw him, her feeling of victory vanished completely. Taichi looked awful. His face was white, and his eye red from crying so much. His shoulders where slumbered, and his eyes downcast. He also started to look a bit thin, because he hadn't eaten properly the past few days. 

He started to speak, his voice hoarse. "You had to remind me of that, had you?" It sounded bitter. Kari decided not to reply to that one. She grabbed Tai's hand , and dragged him to the car. "Come on, we're gonna be late!"

                                                                                  ~*~

Matt was really, really nervous. He was pacing on the stage, behind the curtains. He could hear how the hall where they where playing was slowly filling up. Now and than he glanced through the curtains. He spotted the other Digidestened on the front row, but Kari and Taichi weren't there…

Aiko walked up to him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Everything will be fine." He said. Matt smiled slightly, and nodded. He glanced one last time through the curtains, and gasped. Kari was making her way to the others, dragging Tai with her. 

Matt looked at Tai. He looked horrible! He felt his heart cringe with guild… His fault… He watched how Kari greeted the other Digidestened. Tai sat down a little away from them, and turned away slightly.  The others glanced at him in worry. They had now idea what was wrong…                    

Then he heard his manager calling they had to stand in position, because the concert would start. The curtains opened, and the fans started cheering and screaming. They started their first song, and Matt glanced at his friends.

They where cheering and dancing on the music, and he had to smile. Then he glanced at Tai. He was still sitting, making himself as small as possible, pretending not to be there. He didn't look at Matt. Matt felt a stab of pain at this, but he knew it was his own fault.

The concert went on smoothly, and all to soon, the last song arrived. Matt suddenly felt all the nerves coming back to him, and he swallowed. He looked at the rest of the band. They smiled encouraging and Aiko mouthed: "You can do it!"

He nodded, and turned back to the fans. He grabbed the microphone. "Are you enjoying yourself?" he shouted, and the fans shouted back a 'Yes!'. Matt smiled, and continued. "This will be the last song ( An collective "aaahhh" was heard ) and it will be a special one. I wrote it a couple of days ago, so you'll be the first to hear it."

Loud cheers could be heard. He turned his eyes to Taichi, who still wasn't looking at him, and kept staring at him. "I wrote this song for a very special person. I've made a lot of mistakes in my live, but the thing I regret the most, is that I didn't show the world how much I love this person."

He saw that Tai was moving his head slightly, so he knew Tai was listening to him. He grabbed his guitar, and said softly in the mic: "This is for you, courage…" 

He saw Tai's head snap up and the surprised look. He stared deeply in Tai's eyes, and winched slightly at the amount of pain still there. Then he began to sing, keeping his eyes locked with Tai's. It looked like the world stopped to exist, and he was singing this only to his love.

leave me cravin' for your spell  
sometimes I'm scared  
sometimes I'm lost  
sometimes you're all I am   
and there's a mystery in you  
sometimes when you laugh  
sometimes when you cry  
oh, baby, sometimes when you're so cold 

and sometimes I  
I seek a reason why I'm still here  
and deeper it takes me down  
you're the reason why I'm still here 

so help me when I'm not here 

and there's a shadow in my eye  
beatin' on my face  
it strangles me 'till I  
be asleep  
in a dark place, dark place 

and sometimes I  
I seek a reason why I'm still here  
and deeper it takes me down  
you're the reason why I'm still here

By this time, tears where streaming down Matt's face, but he didn't care. Tai was sobbing uncontrollably, tears streaming down his pale face, but he was still staring at Matt. Matt closed his eyes, and threw all his emotions in the rest of the song.  

oh no no no no  
so help me baby, yeah yeah yeah 

and sometimes I  
I seek a reason why I'm still here  
and deeper and deeper it takes me baby  
you're the reason why I'm still here 

oh yeah 

and, baby, hey 

and sometimes yeah yeah  
I seek a reason why I'm still here  
and deeper and deeper it takes me baby  
you're the reason why I'm still........oh oh 

let me cravin' four your spell  
sometimes I'm scared  
sometimes I'm lost  
help me when I'm not here

And when the music died away, he whispered: "I love you Taichi… and I'm sorry…" He opened his eyes, and looked at Taichi. He had sank to his knees, sobbing into his hands. The other Digidestened looked utterly bewildered, staring between their sobbing leader, and Matts tear stroked face.

Then Aiko did something which surprised him greatly. He stood, walked up to one of the security guards who where standing in front of the stage, and whispered something in his ear. The man nodded, and walked towards Tai, who was still sobbing.

Meanwhile, Aiko walked back, and when he passed Matt he whispered: "Go for it 'Mato…" Matt looked at him, surprised, and then back at the security guard. He saw that the man had pulled Tai to his feet, and was now carrying him to the stage. 

When he reached the stage, Tai climbed on it, and thanked the man. Then he stood, and turned to Matt. They stood still, and stared in each others eyes. Matt was unable to move, he was frozen on his place by those beautiful brown orbs.

Suddenly, Tai's eyes started to water again, ad he chocked back a sob. Matt's eyes started to water to, and he spread his arms. That was all the encouragement Tai needed, and he launched himself into Matt's arms. Matt grabbed Tai tightly, pressing him as close to him as he could, planning to never let him go again.

Tai was sobbing into his shoulder, and although Matt was crying himself, he tried to comfort him as best as he could. When Tai calmed down a bit, he pulled him away a bit, so he could look at the beautiful brunette. 

He looked in the big chocolate coloured eyes of his love, and said: "Taichi… I'm so, so sorry! I hurt you so bad… I wasn't thinking! I love you so much, but I took you for granted, and I was to concerned about my image to think about you… But when you didn't want to see me.. I missed you so much! It was like a part of me was ripped out! I realised that my image didn't matter… all I could think about was you, and how stupid I've been… Can you forgive me? Please?"

He looked at Tai with pleading eyes. Tai looked at him. "You hurt me really bad Yama…" Matt heard how hoarse Tai's voice was, and realised he had been crying a lot. Again he felt the guild nagging at him, and he winched. 

"…I thought your music meant more to you than I did… but you proved to me today that that isn't true… That song was beautiful Yama… did you really write that for me?" Matt smiled slightly, and nodded. He looked back in Tai's eyes, and saw the love radiating from them. How he had missed those eyes…

"I forgive you Yama… I love you so much.." Tai whispered. This time it was Matt's turn to choke back a sob, and he pulled Tai into an embrace again, hugging him tightly. He buried his head in the wild brown locks of hair, and inhaled deeply. Tai smelled so good…

He pulled Tai a bit back again, and carefully grabbed the delicate face with both hands. He stared deeply in Tai's eyes, before closing his own, and pressed his lips against Tai's. Tai sighed content, en melted into the kiss. He opened his mouth and Matt deepened the kiss. 

He let one of his hands wonder down to the rim of Tai's shirt. He let his hand slip under the shirt to touch Tai's baby soft skin. Tai gasped softly into Matt's mouth, but didn't break the kiss.

Suddenly, Aiko yelled: "Oi! Get a room you two!" Matt and Tai jerked apart, and blushed when they realised they where still on stage. Matt pulled Tai in his arms again, ready to protect him against anything. 

He looked up and saw that the fans where cheering loudly for them, and he had to smile. He had the greatest fans ever. He waved at them, and then looked at the Digidestened. Kari had tears in her eyes, and was grinning like a maniac. The others where smiling too, and he smiled back at them.

Then he turned his attention back to Tai, who was contently leaning against him. "How are you feeling love?" Tai blushed a bit when Matt called him love. "I'm feeling relieved… I don't have to hide my love for you any longer…"

Matt smiled and kissed Tai on the nose (an collective 'aaah…' was heard from the audience ) "Nope.. you can show it to anyone you want…" He got a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Why don't you show me first how much you love me… for example, in my dressing room?"

Tai looked up at him, surprised, but when he was the glint in Matt's eye, he grinned. "That sounds like a plan to me…" Matt grinned too, and leaded Tai of the stage and into the dressing room, where he locked the door.

Then he turned, and advanced on Tai. He pushed him on the couch, that was standing there, and straddled him, pinning him down affectingly. Then he leaned forward, and whispered in Tai's ear, "So you want to show the world how much you love me… how much do you love me?"

Tai shuddered, and answered in a soft and hoarse voice: "I love you with all my heart… more than live itself.." At those words, Matt felt like he would explode with love for Tai. He grabbed Tai's head, and plunged their mouths together for an earth shattering kiss. Tai squeaked in surprise, but the squeak soon turned into a moan.

When they pulled apart, they where breathing raggedly. Matt looked at the beautiful angel that he had pinned beneath him. Tai's hair looked wilder than ever, his big brown eyes sparkling with passion, the swollen and slightly parted lips… Matt's breath caught in his throat, and he whispered "You're so beautiful…"

Tai blushed, which made him, in Matt's opinion, even more beautiful. He was the luckiest man on earth, and he briefly wondered what he had done to deserve such a sweet and beautiful boyfriend.

Than he leaned down again, catching Tai's lips with his own, their souls touching, binding, to never let go ever again…

                                                                       ~*Owari*~

Sillie: Braaaa… I actually finished this!! It took me so long to type… X__x

Tachi: * sniffs *

Yama: Taichi! Don't cry ! * hugs Taichi *

Taichi : * hugs back * ^__^

Sillie : Cute !! * squeals *

Yama : -__-''

Sillie : Anyway… I hope you liked it… man was that a mushy ending or what? * grins * Mushy is good… * nods *

Yama: As long as Tai-chan and I are together, everything is fine with me…

Sillie: * gets mad glint in eye * Everything?

Yama: Euh…. O.o

Sillie: Hehe… Well, let me know what you think! * points at box below and grins * bye!!         


End file.
